Real Housewives as viewed by a real househusband, or Why we watch reality television
I have so many questions for the producers over at Bravo! after a season of watching The Real Housewives of New York over the top of my phone, book, and laptop. The entire show is a lie, I wouldn’t even know why they decided to call it Real Housewives. It’s not real, all of the women have jobs, and in some of the case, they aren’t even wives! Of course, I’m being facetious: I know the point is that their wealth doesn’t come from their jobs for the most part, and it’s fashionable to have a job these days — thank you girlboss liberal feminism: half the conflict on the show seems to be the cast accusing each other of not having real jobs.
No, the real question I have for the Real Housewives is why anyone watches this. At one point, my partner complains that some of the cast members give “mean girl energy”, which I think is a valid complaint: the show should be about women elevating women. Who has time for a negative show where negative people insult other negative people, especially women, in this decade? This complaint doesn’t only extend to the Real Housewives series, or anything that Bravo! produces; why does anyone watch reality television? I consider myself something of an expert now, having also viewed Below Deck, Vanderpump Rules, and The Kardashians.
Reality television encompasses a broad array of shows whose premise hinges on the idea that the events occurring are real, and whose main attraction lies in the relationships of people portrayed on the show. The first part of the definition differentiates it from sitcom television or movies which feature actors, and the second part of the definition separates it from news reporting, talk shows, and televised sporting events, whose focus is primarily news, talk and sports respectively. Game shows fall into a bit of a middle ground, because the focus is usually on the game, unless the game focuses on the relationship between contestants, such as Survivor or Big Brother.
Of course, most of the viewers willingly suspend their disbelief. They logically know much of the conflict and drama is fabricated by the showrunners to give the slice of life a semblance of plot. Yet it’s watched specifically for this intersection of fiction and reality, that the cast members are having these arguments and spats outside of a studio, and in the real world; a tame voyeurism of sorts. For people who live boring lives, they appreciate this sort of exposure to drama. It scratches the same sort of itch as celebrity gossip, office rumour mills, as well as the subreddits AITA, BORU, and Relationship Advice, despite the accusations that each respectively are staged pap walks, malicious chatter, and creative writing exercises. It feels nice to watch a dumpsterfire that’s not your own. As social animals, we’re enthralled by the idea of people, even those we don’t know, going through life-changing drama. It’s fun. It’s exciting.
I used too be of the belief that reality television fell into the category of braindead entertainment that so much other media falls into as well: sitcom television, shortform social media content, memes, and the like, but now I think differently. I don’t believe that it’s robbing people of logical reasoning abilities or creating a generation of children who aspire to become the next Kardashians. I think reality television, especially those centered around conflict, tend to make people more angry and belligerent. Baseless accusations fly, innocent comments are misinterpreted, and belligerent tones echo. Ordinary people subject to this sort of drama begin to see it in their real life, like children watching violence on television. I tread carefully after a reunion episode of PumpRules or when my partner is excited to tell me about what happened on Hayu today, lest there was an applicable lesson to be learned.
Because of the demography of its viewers, part of me feels that it’s sexist to criticize reality television. All things considered, reality television is just mindless entertainment of other people’s conflicts. My experiences with the stress and real-life harm it creates are purely anecdotal, even though my partner claims it’s background noise. It’s certainly not much worse than a violent video game, nor is it anywhere as harmful as some talkshows and podcasts out there who don’t deign to present themselves as delusional. Continuing along this sexist vein, women tend to be socialized to consider the community and relationship dynamics than men are, put into roles as the caregivers and peacemakers in the patriarchal system. Thusly, these shows are geared towards women because they obtain something from them that we do not as straight men: more shock value, or a secret code.
I guess a part of the problem stems not only from showrunners intentionally creating more drama, but the cast knowing that drama is central to reality television; the cameras in essence change the behaviour of the filmed. This creates one of my faovurite misused pop sci analogies, a Schrödinger’s Cat of sorts: it is impossible to accurately record the amount of drama that occurs between these entitled cultural fixtures because they know the culture’s fixation on them depends on how much drama they can cause. The only way to truly conduct a reality television show would be something akin to the Truman Show, where the cast has no idea that the filming is taking place. Of course, this would be highly unethical in addition to being an absolute bore to watch. So the closest thing to objective coverage of interpersonal conflict we have is reality television: something that presents as unbiased, and has video clips to back up the storytelling.
Back to the titles of this piece: I think we watch reality television for the same reason we read personal relationship subreddits or follow celebrity scandals. It’s interesting to hear dramatic personal details about the lives of others, scratching our desire for social horror and confrontation without coming too close. As a househusband — term used here just like the term housewife is used by Bravo!: I’m not a husband, much less a househusband — I also have a general distaste for reality television. I find it boring, the fights melodramatic, and that it can cause harm to its viewers. The harm is real even if the housewives aren’t. But I’m also in no position to complain about what others enjoy in their free time, even if it’s a net negative. Who am I to judge with my fixation on video games? If a useful and acceptable way to let off steam is to watch people verbally abuse each other, so be it.
