God’s Work, or On WMAF relationships
Many Asian men in the west have trouble finding romantic partners: this is an anecdotal observation reported by many, as well as the conclusion of some much-cited studies. Consequently, there is much discourse within the Asian male community about finding a romantic partner, and quite a bit of anger at White Male Asian Female pairings, or WMAF. Some of it is directed at the women in the relationship, some of it is directed at the men, some is just frustration. One of my friends got several of us into the habit of declaring Asian Male White Female pairings as “God’s work”. Even at the time I thought it was vaguely vulgar and misogynistic, but now I no longer repeat the phrase; not because of some moral judgement, but rather because I don’t have the energy to care anymore.
Dating as an Asian male immigrant is challenging. Media portrayals aren’t positive, and a traditional immigrant upbringing focused on academic achievement and filial piety, not athletic achievement and social prowess. It is then no surprise that Asian adolescent boys struggle. Furthermore, Asian women are considered desirable in the west, media portraying them as either a submissive geisha or a seductive dragon lady. Combine that with the nearly the entirety of western sex symbols being Caucasian men, and it is inevitable that there are many WMAF pairings. This stereotypes eventually form preferences that persist into adulthood.
The term “ricecel” is a racist portmanteau of the word “rice” and the word “incel”, used to describe Asian men who consider themselves involuntarily celibate because they are Asian. I think this is a good place to start deconstructing the complex relationship some Asian men have with WMAF relationships. First of all, as with most incel ideology, it objectifies women solely as objects of sexual desire, removing their agency while simultaneously removing the agency of men: incels believe they are involuntarily celibate not because of their behaviours or choices, but unalienable biological characteristics. In other words, there is no hope for them. One of history’s most famous incels was mixed race white and Asian, and race played a strong role in his manifesto. It doesn’t take a lot of anecdotal experience to disprove this: men with weak chins get girlfriends, short men get girlfriends, and Asian men get girlfriends. But incels blame society and women before blaming themselves.
Certainly “God’s Work”, or fetishizing white women as an Asian male, is not much better. It is still a reduction of women to a possession instead of someone with agency. But at least it recognizes that the fault lies not within the stars, but in that we are the masters of our own fate. However, fetishization is still ultimately objectification. I imagine white women would be horrified to learn that their partners are interested in them simply due to their ethnicity, just as Asian women would be when they realize that all their partner’s exes have been Asian as well.
Yellow Fever is used to describe a man of non-Asian descent who fetishizes Asian women. Though somewhat acceptable a couple of decades ago, it now has a wholly negative connotation. It seems almost exploitative, adjacent to elderly white men dating young Asian women virtually imported from abroad who are younger than their daughters. As these relationships proliferate, people with Yellow Fever feel emboldened to proclaim their preferences and further objectify Asian women. Many Asian women I know also take offense not only to Yellow Fever, but also WMAF relationships, seeing it as a reinforcement of stereotypes associated with Asian women: lower status and poverty. The cliche of a white man talking over a racialized woman, but extended to a romantic relationship.
In recent years, there has been a slight reversal in this phenomenon with non-Asian women being attracted to Asian men, largely due to the influence of Japanese and Korean media. It’s almost ironic in a way, because despite the overwhelmingly number of white male stars that are portrayed positively in Western media, these women have chosen to fetishize men of a different culture, who act and sing in languages they don’t understand. Certainly, the image of these idol groups is manufactured and pure fantasy, but that they can attract women who their managers weren’t even targeting speaks to the potential of Asian men. I wonder what ricecels think of that.
Being the subject of racial fetishization hasn’t bothered me, but then I also understand the differences in dating for women and men. It’s been said that in dating, men have an acquisition problem, and women have a retention problem, so anything that helps with the attraction is appreciated. Still, generalizations about how Asians look, behave, or smell, even when made positively, strike me as a bit strange. Questions about whether I read manga or if I could say something in Korean to them are humorous and uncomfortable. I remember travelling to Mexico City with a few of my friends, mostly Asian, and being accosted by large swaths of people during the Pride parade asking for pictures. None of us minded too much, and we understood that the Pride festivities had likely emboldened people to do so. However, it was still surprising, and we wondered if it was because of the spread of BTS or because they had seen too few Asians prior to this. I think I would be hard-pressed to date someone who isn’t Asian but has a big fascination with certain elements of Asian media.
But recently, I’ve realized that it’s become something I don’t really care about that much anymore. After this one last blog post, I promise. I still think that people should examine their biases, ricecels are stupid, power imbalances exist, and sometimes WMAF relationships can reinforce stereotypes. But it takes too much mental capacity to mentally police appropriateness in what is effectively attraction and responses to it. There is also an increased awareness and material around this topic: after one uncomfortable experience, it’s simple enough to educate oneself and find support; after a certain point, one must be responsible for the consequences of their own actions.
Judging others takes effort, and frankly it’s not effort well-spent. It doesn’t inform any of my decisions, and given the public consciousness around this topic, it’s nothing that people don’t know about. If it’s non-predatory relationship between two consenting adults, who am I to interfere? Just as the white man has agency, so do Asian women. And if that’s what she chooses, so be it.
