Fiction: The Beach

Characters: Bro, Dude, Woman, Man, Girl, Boy

Scene: It was a lazy Labour Day at Woodbine Beach. Two men are lounging on beach towels, close to Stage Right, staring at Stage Left. Occasional splashes from kids running in and out of the water were welcome little bursts of cool.

BRO: Dude, this is so nice.

DUDE: I know, bro. I can’t believe we’ve only run by here in the past. Bro, do you know how they make coffee in Turkey?

BRO: No, how?

DUDE: It’s so hot there that they can just put coffee beans and water in a cup, put that in the sand, and it’ll make hot coffee. I’m sure they could do it with the sand here today.

BRO: That’s for sure cap dude.

DUDE: I’m serious bro, search it up. We can literally try it now.

(BRO lazily paws at his tote, but then gives up. Or slowly gave up. No one moved quickly in this weather except for the kids)

DUDE: Bro.

BRO: What?

DUDE: Bro.

(DUDE juts his chin out towards WOMAN on Stage Left)

BRO: Dude, she’s way too young. She’s like a teenager.

DUDE: Naw bro, like twenties maybe.

(Enter WOMAN from Stage Left. They stared at WOMAN in the water, who was moving with small, jumpy movements as though the water was too cold and the rocks too hard)

BRO: Dude, this feels wrong.

DUDE: Bro, I’m telling you, she just looks young. Black don’t crack. Do you think she’s single?

BRO: Looks like she’s not single, eh?

(Enter MAN from Stage Left. Man sneaks up next to WOMAN and starts splashing her with water. She shrieks and then topples over, laughing)

DUDE: What a creep, hitting on a young girl like that.

BRO: You were just saying that she was old. He doesn’t even look that old, dude. Certainly not weird.

DUDE: He’s a dinosaur! He has no business with a hot young thing.

BRO: Sounds like someone’s jealous.

DUDE: Yeah, maybe I am. I bet that ugly old man is richer than god.

BRO: The relationship looks very age appropriate to me.

DUDE: Alright whatever, plenty of birds on this beach.

(Silence ensures between the two of them as they continue looking at Stage Left. Beach noises get louder)

DUDE: Bro.

BRO: What?

DUDE: Bro.

(DUDE juts his chin out towards Stage Left. GIRL enters Stage Left, and starts splashing WOMAN as well)

BRO: This again? That is an actual child bro, she’s not out of kindergarten. I’m calling the cops.

DUDE: Yeah dude, it’s her kid. I been telling you, she’s not young. She’s a mom.

BRO: I know you like moms, but there’s no way that’s her kid. She’s way too young to have a five-year-old child.

DUDE: Shut up bro. I’m serious. That must be her kid. Why else would she be splashing her like that?

BRO: Even if she’s in her early twenties, how does she have such a big kid?

(Silence again except for beach noises)

DUDE: Bro.

BRO: What?

DUDE: Bro, what do you mean, what? It’s the same thing every time. Look!

(DUDE juts his chin out towards Stage Left. BOY enters Stage Left, and starts splashing WOMAN)

BRO: That is a large child. There’s no way she gave birth to him right? He looks half as old as she does.

DUDE: Bro, what if like, they’re siblings.

BRO: What do you mean?

DUDE: What if she’s their older sister? Their parents had three kids, a bit of an age gap between the eldest and the younger two.

BRO: Hm. That could make sense. That also means she’s so young bro, and you’re still a creep.

Pause for five seconds.

BRO: Dude, what about the man then?

DUDE: What about him?

BRO: What’s his relationship with the girl? Where did he go anyways?

(DUDE points out further in the distance)

DUDE: He’s over there, swimming towards the beach beside them. Maybe the man is their dad?

BRO: No way he’s the dad right, he’s way too young to be her dad.

DUDE: I been saying, he looks kinda old to me man. Maybe he is the dad.

BRO: Maybe he’s the dad of the kids.

DUDE: Bro, shut up, they’re coming closer.

(MAN emerges from Stage Left, lifting GIRL in one arm, with BOY clutching onto his leg)

GIRL and BOY: Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!

MAN: Now, Janet told you no ice cream. Don’t think I didn’t hear. I’m going to get in serious trouble if I get you any.

GIRL and BOY: Aww…

(GIRL, BOY, and MAN exit Stage Right)

DUDE: I told you bro. The kids are definitely not theirs. What father would refer to his wife by her first name to her kids?

BRO: I don’t know. White people do that sometimes don’t they?

DUDE: She’s not white bro. So the woman is the older sister, not the mother. Does that mean she’s single?

BRO: Yeah, maybe. That’s a really young dad though.

(BRO turns towards Stage Right and raises his hand over his eyes as if to look at something)

DUDE: Bro, why are you checking out the old-ass man.

BRO: Dude, I figured it out. They’re siblings.

DUDE: That’s literally what I’ve been saying since time.

BRO: No, I mean she’s not his daughter. She’s his sister.

DUDE: That’s impossible dude. That man has got to be in his thirties, and that girl is no more than six. You’re telling me that their mother has given birth across three decades? He’s got to be her father.

BRO: That’s weird man, he’s like a few years older than her. It makes sense if they’re all siblings. How is he going to be her father if he’s only in his thirties and she’s in her twenties.

DUDE: Forties then. And step-father.

BRO: That makes zero sense. You can’t just add a step-relation in there to make the age work. So you’re saying the man is dating the woman’s much older mom? They’re siblings bro, for sure.

DUDE: Father-daughter.

BRO: Brother-sister.

(MAN enters from Stage Right and meets WOMAN entering from Stage Left, meeting in front of BRO and DUDE)

WOMAN: Did Mom take them?

MAN: Yep, and without any ice cream too.

(DUDE AND BRO continue whispering at one another)

DUDE: Father-daughter.

BRO: Brother-sister.

MAN: Finally, some time just for us.

WOMAN: Yeah, I love them, but they’re exhausting.

(MAN and WOMAN embrace and kiss. BRO and DUDE look at each other with shocked expressions)

BRO: Dude…

DUDE: Bro…

BRO and DUDE: Let’s get out of here.

(BRO and DUDE hastily exit Stage Right)

MAN: Still, it was good spending time with your siblings.

WOMAN: Yeah, I’m glad you guys get along so well. Remember how scared of you they were when we first started dating?

(MAN nods, then looks around)

MAN: I guess the two men who kept on looking our way left.

WOMAN: Yeah, I’m sure they were brothers though.

MAN: Brothers? I’m telling you, illicit lovers with heterosexual marriages!

END